Cool meanings

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the
other.
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Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five-day test.
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Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master
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Divorce :
Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got
the biggest piece.
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Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by
feminine waterpower.. .
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Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees
later on.
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Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
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Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.
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Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not
injured yet.
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Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:
A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
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Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills