Sexy and hot girl

Roller Coaster . Argggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Police Said

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car tapes around
the world:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again, or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
crap."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone reliable who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Please sign here."

EVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE?

Amazing simple calculation

Amazing calculation

Here is some easy Calculation good for your practice. Its will suprise you.

Its just take about 30 seconds

Follow every steps below.

Dont skip to the final step before you complete the calculation

Get ready with your calculator.

Firstly, in one week how many days you want to eat dinner at KFC.

Multiply that days with 2

Then add with 5

Multiply again with 50

If your birthday for this year is already past add with 1757, if not add with 1756

The final step

substract this number with the year of your birthday (example 1975 or 1950)

The total number now is in three digits

The first number from this 3digits is

THE NUMBER OF DAYS YOU WANT TO EAT DINNER AT KFC

AND............ THE COOLEST IS

THE LAST TWO DIGITS IS ................

YOUR AGE !!!!!

AND REMEMBER !!

YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS CALCULATION IN 2007.

SO HURRY UP TRY THIS!!!!

Did you know the answer

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $1,000,000 Question
TV Quiz Show. The night before the big question, he told the host
that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the
studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the town. He was
the best guest this show had ever seen. The host stepped up to the
microphone.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You
know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away
one million dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence -- the crowd went nuts. He hadn't
missed a question all week.

"Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer
either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is
always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it. He
was not sure, but American History was his best subject, so he played
it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The host nodded approvingly. "Here we go, Bob. I will ask you the
second half first, then the first half."

The audience grew silent with anticipation.....

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

A store that sells a husbands

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs". The second floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs and Love Kids". The third floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

At the fourth floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak." She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. It too has six floors. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

Cool meanings

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the
other.
***********

Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five-day test.
***********
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master
***********

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage
***********

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got
the biggest piece.
***********

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by
feminine waterpower.. .
***********

Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees
later on.
***********

Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
***********

Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
***********

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not
injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********

Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

boring? you can try this

Hangman

Hangman
provided by The Free Dictionary

The 5 Toughest Questions That Women Ask Men, And The Answers

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

QUESTION #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no remblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Squash.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

QUESTION #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

QUESTION #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

1. Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
2. Yes, but you have a better personality
3. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
4. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
5. Define pretty
6. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #5: What would you do if I died?

Unless you smile, say "Nice weather we are having, huh?" then leave the room, expect a definite no-win situation. No matter how you answer this (the real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette."), be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed...

Husband and wife

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife said the reason has to
be because a woman has to say everything twice. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


---------------------------------------------------------------

A man said to his wife one day, I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time. And the wife responded, allow
me to help you out. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


---------------------------------------------------------------

A housewife walked into her kitchen to see her husband with a fly
swatter in his hand. She asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" He
responded, "Oh, just swatting flies." She asked. "Killing any?" He
responded, "Yes, got 3 males and 2 females!" "Good", she said, and
turned to walk away.
But then a puzzling thought overcame her and she turned back
towards her husband and asked, "Honey, how could you tell the sex of the flies?"
He responded, "Well, 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Wise old man

This is note a jokes. but i think it worth


A wise old gentleman, Ahmad, retired and purchased a modest home near a secondary school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally Ahmad decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," Ahmad said, "I haven't received my pension check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Off the MArk

Scary jokes

A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly forward.

The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.

The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. "Look Pete, that's the idiot who climbed into the car while we were pushing.

blonde aunt

At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

Three engineer in a car

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical
engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft
engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the
side of the road, and the three engineers look
at each other wondering what could be wrong.


The electrical engineer suggests stripping
down the electronics of the car and trying to
trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about
cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming
emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much
about anything, comes up with a suggestion: If
we close all the windows, get out, get back in,
then open the windows again, maybe it'll work!?"

Love story

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's in NY, USA ....on one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:
'Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!'
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - 'They were used to sharing everything.'
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, 'Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?'
She answered,


'THE TEETH'

viagra

Never force husband or boyfriend along for shopping

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping.

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:


Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning youand your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.


Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading tofeminine products aisle.

4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

>12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."


Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager

Kids Say

1 NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

2 OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

3 SAUCE
A woman was trying hard to get the tomato sauce out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

4 MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

5 POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an Infants school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" Yes, that's right," I told her."Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

6 POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the Station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked."It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

7 ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly citizens, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

8 DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her Dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, Darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.
"

9 DEATH
While walking along the footpath in front of his church, our Minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates
had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The Minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."

10 SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time, Mum," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

11 BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I
think it's Adam's underwear!"

D.I.Y TANK

Politicians 2

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when all of a
sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's
field.

The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.

He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.

A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked
the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer said he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"

The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but I didn't
believe them."

Politicians

A politician was running for re-election and was talking at a campaign stop
to his constituents.

"My opponent has called me a liar. Rest assured, I have never lied to you.
The only problem I have is that the facts don't always match up with what I believe."

Lucky Guy

A deformed and ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about? " asks the bartender.

"I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks; like in the movies.

I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made .. All night, all over the house. We did everything;! "

" Fantastic!" exclaimed the bartender. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"

"Dunno...never found the head ."

FUN WITH SPORTS

be carefull when you upload the picture

bad parking

lucky day

next time please be careful before u crossing the road

Paris hilton

ya you are right ...she is blonde
but at least she can read upside down

office jokes

Angry Worker

Next time please be careful went you get angry with your staff,
or you will be like this too.

another different between man and women

stupid driver

ya you're right, its a woman.
i wonder how she get the driving license

comics

excuse me sir i already paid the parking charge

ouchh!!!!

is it true?. then its must be hurt. i think this baby is so excited to get out from there.

stupid army

why they never listen

so who is dumb

protest against the protestor?. so who is the protester.
Dumber

new airforce weapon

FISH JOKES

another prove of evolution theory

Bill Gates evolution


Agassi evolution

Saigon road

actually this is not a funny.
but it just make me wonder how they can avoid each others,
and escape from any single accident,

math jokes

no wonder how hard i study but still i failed.

another stupid work

stupid work

i dont now where is this place. but who ever doing this is very stupid

two guys

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"
His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

pee time

can i help you sir?

i think this is what they call 'horse power'

where he get so much money

i wonder where did he gets so much money to buy that kind of car. maybe he just won the lottery

is it a joke?

nice hair cut

dare to cut your hair like this?

can you score the goal

i wonder can you score the goal if he is the goalkeeper

transformers for girls