Sexy and hot girl

Roller Coaster . Argggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Police Said

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car tapes around
the world:

#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again, or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey
crap."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone reliable who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS...
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Please sign here."

EVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION BEFORE?

Amazing simple calculation

Amazing calculation

Here is some easy Calculation good for your practice. Its will suprise you.

Its just take about 30 seconds

Follow every steps below.

Dont skip to the final step before you complete the calculation

Get ready with your calculator.

Firstly, in one week how many days you want to eat dinner at KFC.

Multiply that days with 2

Then add with 5

Multiply again with 50

If your birthday for this year is already past add with 1757, if not add with 1756

The final step

substract this number with the year of your birthday (example 1975 or 1950)

The total number now is in three digits

The first number from this 3digits is

THE NUMBER OF DAYS YOU WANT TO EAT DINNER AT KFC

AND............ THE COOLEST IS

THE LAST TWO DIGITS IS ................

YOUR AGE !!!!!

AND REMEMBER !!

YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS CALCULATION IN 2007.

SO HURRY UP TRY THIS!!!!

Did you know the answer

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $1,000,000 Question
TV Quiz Show. The night before the big question, he told the host
that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the
studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the town. He was
the best guest this show had ever seen. The host stepped up to the
microphone.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You
know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away
one million dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence -- the crowd went nuts. He hadn't
missed a question all week.

"Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer
either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is
always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it. He
was not sure, but American History was his best subject, so he played
it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The host nodded approvingly. "Here we go, Bob. I will ask you the
second half first, then the first half."

The audience grew silent with anticipation.....

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

A store that sells a husbands

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"

So, a woman goes to the store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs". The second floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs and Love Kids". The third floor sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking."

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

At the fourth floor the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework."

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: "These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak." She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: "You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store."

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. It too has six floors. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited.

Cool meanings

Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the
other.
***********

Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular
than a five-day test.
***********
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master
***********

Divorce :
Future tense of marriage
***********

Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the
notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********

Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********

Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got
the biggest piece.
***********

Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by
feminine waterpower.. .
***********

Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********

Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees
later on.
***********

Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never
felt before.
***********

Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********

Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********

Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********

Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********

Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********

Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.
***********

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********

Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
***********

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********

Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually
look forward to the trip.
***********

Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********

Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not
injured yet.
***********

Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the
first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********

Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********

Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********

Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... Except that he got caught.
***********

Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********

Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********

Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

boring? you can try this

Hangman

Hangman
provided by The Free Dictionary

The 5 Toughest Questions That Women Ask Men, And The Answers

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

QUESTION #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no remblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Squash.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

QUESTION #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

QUESTION #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

1. Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
2. Yes, but you have a better personality
3. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
4. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
5. Define pretty
6. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #5: What would you do if I died?

Unless you smile, say "Nice weather we are having, huh?" then leave the room, expect a definite no-win situation. No matter how you answer this (the real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette."), be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurt look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed...

Husband and wife

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife said the reason has to
be because a woman has to say everything twice. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


---------------------------------------------------------------

A man said to his wife one day, I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time. And the wife responded, allow
me to help you out. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me and God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


---------------------------------------------------------------

A housewife walked into her kitchen to see her husband with a fly
swatter in his hand. She asked, "Honey, what are you doing?" He
responded, "Oh, just swatting flies." She asked. "Killing any?" He
responded, "Yes, got 3 males and 2 females!" "Good", she said, and
turned to walk away.
But then a puzzling thought overcame her and she turned back
towards her husband and asked, "Honey, how could you tell the sex of the flies?"
He responded, "Well, 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone."

Wise old man

This is note a jokes. but i think it worth


A wise old gentleman, Ahmad, retired and purchased a modest home near a secondary school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally Ahmad decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," Ahmad said, "I haven't received my pension check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Off the MArk